Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
