nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
