you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
