it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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