I can text with my tongue
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
