Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
