Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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