Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
