If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
