how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize