Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
