He is like the real live version of the state fair..
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
where are my eyebrows?
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