I wish you could order shots online.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
