can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
