I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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