i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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