hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
