This dress was meant to end up on your floor
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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