Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
