Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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