Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
