there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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