Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
