dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
