Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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