What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
