If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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