bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
