she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
