if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Banned from zoo.
Again?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
