Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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