I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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