Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
