Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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