shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
