if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
