erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
