Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
