This girl is more easily done than said...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
