I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
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