I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
