my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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