You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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