I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
