so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
