Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
as a side note pls kill me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
