i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
