6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
