Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
