The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We left the knife in your bed.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
