That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
