We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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