my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
