It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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