fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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