READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
