he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
