3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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