And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
