My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
