I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I had to cum in my sink.
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